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establishing rapport

Serendipitous – Techniques for Building Rapport & Establishing Comfort Part 3

by Legend

in Technique

creating a connectionBUILDING RAPPORT

When you start building rapport within the last 7%, you want to match predicates more than mirror them, and you want to mirror keywords more than you match them. The reason you want to do this is that it will more easily stay outside of someone’s consciousness.

In this context, matching predicates would be using similar ones as opposed to the same ones and mirroring key words would be using the exact key words as opposed to matching keywords. Mirroring someone’s predicates even once could bring risk bringing it into their consciousness, and matching someone’s key words will generally have a lesser effect.

Matching Predicates:

Her: I don’t see what you mean.

You: Let me try painting you a picture of what I’m talking about.

Her: I don’t think you’re hearing me!

You: No, I’m hearing you loud and clear.

Her: I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all week!

You: I’m just a hard person to get in touch with.

Her: I’m not getting a clear understanding of what you’re getting at.

You: Let me explain it in a way that makes sense to you.

Notice how you match their Representational System preference.

Mirroring Keywords:

Her: Yesterday, I had to take my car to the mechanic.

You: Why did you have to take your car to the mechanic?

Her: Oh I think the brakes were going. I started hearing this grinding noise when I was stopping.

You: Yeah, grinding noises are typical when you need your brakes replaced.

Notice how noise goes to noises. The words don’t have to be in the exact form, just use the root of the keyword.

You should generally start by matching someone and then switch to mirroring, as matching is less inside consciousness and mirroring is more inside consciousness, thus stepping down into and creating a deeper rapport.

The point of establishing unconscious rapport isn’t to always match and mirror someone. You want to meet them where they are and take them where you want them to go, to eventually and unconsciously LEAD them into matching and mirroring you. Once you are successful in accomplishing that, you have successfully built rapport with them.

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU’VE ESTABLISHED RAPPORT [Click to Continue Reading…]

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Serendipitous – Techniques for Building Rapport & Establishing Comfort Part 1

by Legend

in Technique

connectionRapport gives us the potential for creating long lasting, synergistic relationships, but can also be misused. Rapport is a tool much in the same way that a hammer is. Just as a scalpel can be used to heal or to hurt, utilize it to heal. You must use rapport to heal or it will come around and bite you in the ass and you will not succeed in your goals. The best thing you can do is to use rapport in an ethical way to benefit all involved.

Use these techniques to create win-win, synergistic relationships.

BREAKING DOWN COMMUNICATION

55% of communication is physiology, otherwise known as body language, and 38% is in ones voice; tonality, tempo, timbre & volume specifically. The other 7% is the words that you use. Since body language is an often talked about subject in the community, and tonality is pretty much common sense to all of us, I’ll be talking specifically about how you can make the MOST out of this last little piece of the puzzle.

What Words Are Comprised Of

There are 4 key parts we have after we break down the last 7% of communication. Words are made up of predicates, key words, common experiences and content chunks. I’ll be focusing on each part and also providing some other explanations of things that will be helpful to you in understanding how to utilize these techniques.

Let’s begin, shall we?

PREDICATES

Predicate: the word is defined as the part of a sentence or clause containing a verb and stating something about the subject. In NLP, the predicates people use often clue you in to their Representational System.

Ok, TIME OUT!

What is a Representational System, you ask?

Representational Systems

There are 4 basic types of people:

1. Primarily Visual

2. Primarily Kinesthetic

3. Primarily Auditory

4. Primarily Auditory Digital

Allow me to explain about these types of people real quick.

How people learn, memorize and communicate fall into these 4 Representational Systems:

1. Visual – by looking, seeing and visualizing

2. Kinesthetic – by touching, feeling and doing

3. Auditory – by listening and hearing

4. Auditory Digital – using logic, understanding and strategy

There are ways for you to train yourself to easily spot each type of person, but that is beyond the scope of this post.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get back to predicates.

Before the quick background info, we agreed that the definition of predicate was basically a verb. Now let me explain what the importance of them actually is.

The verbs that people use when they speak often dictate what type of Representational System they prefer.

Here’s are some examples [Click to Continue Reading…]

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