Part of it was written when I was in school and still being affected. The other parts of it were written in the last week or two (in italics). Notice how my perception on this particular development has changed between then and now.
P.S. For those of you wondering why I call it a “he-man” bitch shield.. It’s a joke between my schoolmate Emo Boy and I. We added gender specific terms to some words to make them funny when we use them in conversation. “Manicure” became he-manicure, we specified “man-colors” when talking about nail polish, “male mannequin” became the he-mannequin.
The He-Man Bitch Shield & The Fragility of the Male Ego
We’re all familiar with the bitch shield concept, right? If not, real quick review… Mystery is quoted as saying a girl gets hit on 7500 times between the ages of 18 and 24, let alone for the rest of her life. Because she cannot possibly attend to every male that wants her, she needs to protect herself and her time from all of these needy guys. She builds a shield to ward off as many of these approaches, as quickly as she can.
I was pretty shocked when I figured out that I’ve developed a full blown he-man bitch shield. Could I really have developed a shield to ward off females? Is that even what it’s about?
I’m a high value guy at school and as such, girls are constantly testing my frame. This happens, on average, about 25 times a day. Multiply that by 5 days a week, 4 weeks a month and we’re talking 500 digs, shit tests and bad behavior from girls. Minimum. And I’ve been there for 6 months. 3000 shit tests. [7 months in all, 3500 experiences at least. That's a lot in such a little time. A LOT.]
Back to the man shield. I’ve developed a lower tolerance for and opinion of, bullshit. I don’t have time for it, [You're the jerk for acting this way, not me.", "I am unaffected by it. It doesn't matter." and finally to "This girl likes me enough to tease me."]. In certain situations, even when I’ve been completely respectful of others whilst refusing to put up with their shit, I have still come out the asshole. [I've learned to be okay with this. It wasn't like that at first, until I figured out what was going on.]
As a result I have retreated, I have become less social. Being less social has started to affect my day to day state. I am miserable at school. I can’t wait to graduate and get away from these people. I feel that most of these people are lower value than me and I legitimately do not want them in my life. There are a few people I will still hang with at school, however these people have high value as well.
[Wow… I am usually much happier than those thoughts. What the hell happened to me?]
[I developed a defense mechanism, a "reason", designed to protect my ego. My "reason" was I wanted to focus more on bringing my grades up. I brought it up from a 95 to a 96, I was miserable and the whole effort seemed wasted when I got my final grade.]
Even though I want to focus more on bringing [Click to Continue Reading…]