Pick-up Evolution

BUILDING RAPPORT

When you start building rapport within the last 7%, you want to match predicates more than mirror them, and you want to mirror keywords more than you match them. The reason you want to do this is that it will more easily stay outside of someone’s consciousness.

In this context, matching predicates would be using similar ones as opposed to the same ones and mirroring key words would be using the exact key words as opposed to matching keywords. Mirroring someone’s predicates even once could bring risk bringing it into their consciousness, and matching someone’s key words will generally have a lesser effect.

Matching Predicates:

Her: I don’t see what you mean.

You: Let me try painting you a picture of what I’m talking about.

Her: I don’t think you’re hearing me!

You: No, I’m hearing you loud and clear.

Her: I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all week!

You: I’m just a hard person to get in touch with.

Her: I’m not getting a clear understanding of what you’re getting at.

You: Let me explain it in a way that makes sense to you.

Notice how you match their Representational System preference.

Mirroring Keywords:

Her: Yesterday, I had to take my car to the mechanic.

You: Why did you have to take your car to the mechanic?

Her: Oh I think the brakes were going. I started hearing this grinding noise when I was stopping.

You: Yeah, grinding noises are typical when you need your brakes replaced.

Notice how noise goes to noises. The words don’t have to be in the exact form, just use the root of the keyword.

You should generally start by matching someone and then switch to mirroring, as matching is less inside consciousness and mirroring is more inside consciousness, thus stepping down into and creating a deeper rapport.

The point of establishing unconscious rapport isn’t to always match and mirror someone. You want to meet them where they are and take them where you want them to go, to eventually and unconsciously LEAD them into matching and mirroring you. Once you are successful in accomplishing that, you have successfully built rapport with them.

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU’VE ESTABLISHED RAPPORT

There are 4 major indicators:

1. Their feeling inside – They my feel “butterflies in their stomach” or experience a feeling of warmth or familiarity.

2. Their skin color will change – Meeting someone new causes people to go into a state of sympathetic arousal. Their skin will start to flush or blush, signifying a shift from sympathetic functioning to para-sympathetic functioning, which means they go into a state of relaxation.

3. They’ll say something about the feeling of familiarity – Have we met before? Do I know you? I feel like I’ve known you before.

4. Leading – When you start to move, they follow you.

ESTABLISHING COMFORT

When you are successful at building rapport, establishing comfort will typically stem from sharing your common experiences.

As building this kind rapport is generally deeper, you should switch to matching before you end, your communication with someone, so as to lead them back out of deep unconscious rapport more gradually.

~Serendipitous

Get on the newsletter now for some special exclusive content and to have me answer your questions personally.  Join by filling out the box below.

Related posts:

1. Serendipitous – Techniques for Building Rapport & Establishing Comfort Part 2
2. Serendipitous – Techniques for Building Rapport & Establishing Comfort Part 1
3. Getting Started in Pick-Up Guide – Part 10: Connecting, Building Comfort, and Rapport Part B
4. Getting Started in Pick-Up Guide – Part 10: Connecting, Building Comfort, and Rapport Part A
5. Getting Started in Pick-Up Guide – Part 25: Rapport, Comfort and Connection

This entry was posted on Monday, December 7th, 2009 at 12:50 pm and is filed under Technique. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.