Becoming a Pickup Artist – A Core Skills Guide by Pick-Up Evolution
Part 4:
Edge: I think a lot of guides on eye contact focus on the mechanics of eye contact itself or ways to use eye contact to be more appealing. I will touch on what I have found to be most effective, but before I do I want to talk about what I have found to be the most essential and most foundational element of eye contact.
Speaking from experience, I don’t believe that people worry about their ability to have good, attractive eye contact because they don’t know the mechanics. My belief is that the problem is that eye contact creates a feeling of anxiousness in the aspiring pick-up artist (PUA) and as a result, they reflexively avert their eyes from other people.
So what do I feel the key element is to good eye contact? I believe that element to be: Thought.
What you think and how you think about it…
It’s been said countless times across all cultures throughout time that the eyes are the window to the soul. I think a practical and effective way to interpret that is that people can catch your “vibe” when they look into your eyes.
And I believe that your vibe is made from your thoughts and your beliefs. Not what you do, not what you say, but what you “think” in the privacy of your own mind.
If you are thinking fearful thoughts like the person looking at you is going to do something bad, you’re going to feel anxious when they look at you because you’ll feel like their seeing that. Like their seeing your insecurity.
Or if you think critical, judgmental or mean thoughts of other people, you’ll feel like they’re “catching you” in the act of committing some minor crime against them. Sure, your actions in the outer world may be very nice – you may be polite, considerate and do good things for people. But if you’re judging people in your head in a negative way as a default habit, eye contact will be tough.
Another common “thought crime” is being out only for yourself and looking at someone in terms of how you can use them. Your eye contact may not necessarily be bad (as in, you may not avert your eyes when someone looks at you), but you will have the look of a “predator” or someone who is up to no good.
So I’ve talked about thought habits that make eye contact hard or unsuccessful. But what do I think is the successful way to think in order to have good, warm, sexy eye contact?
Well, in terms of thinking, I make it a habit to think good thoughts of people wherever I go and whomever they are. This takes discipline. It takes practice. I am telling you this as a guy who’s reformed my own thought habits and found it to be quite effective in attracting the women I want.
When I’m attracted to a woman, I “breathe in” her beauty through my eyes. When I think about sex with her, I think about it as a giving act that is tremendously pleasurable and liberating for her. Thinking of sex in that way (as if you are dangling some delicious that she wants to take a bite of) will get you much further than thinking of sex as a notch on your belt or as a masturbatory aid for you. Plus your sex will most likely be better too.
Now that we’ve talked about eye contact and thought, now we can talk about some mechanics of eye contact.
I’m a big fan of imitation. Whenever I watch a movie or TV show with a male seducer type of character, I carefully study the actor’s facial expressions, especially during scenes where he’s seducing a woman. I think to myself, “I am that.
That is how I look at women. That is my vibe with the women I desire.”
It’s been said by others that maintaining “bedroom eyes” is a great way to turn on a woman you’re talking to. What does this mean?
“Bedroom eyes” is where you keep your eyes and eye-lids relaxed. You’re not darting your eyes all over the room, looking at everything in sight. You’re not widening your eyes like two giant dinner-plates with an olive in the middle. You’re looking at the woman, nice, calm and steady.
Another look I like to use with eye-contact is kind of a flirty smirk. When I’m chatting with a woman, conversationally pushing and pulling her, I will sometimes squint my eyes a tiny bit and give her a smirk. The general vibe of the look is that I’m a “bad boy” and I’m really clever and smooth. This is just a look I toss out there when the interaction gets “spicy”… That is, when she and I are bantering back and forth about one thing or another and I’m saying something slightly bold or racy to her.
Another fun look I use while conversationally pushing and pulling with a woman is what I call the “you’re suspect” look. With this look, I’m taking on the position that she might be cool, but I’m a little suspicious of her. I’ll turn my head away from her to the side and upward slightly with my eyes still on her, sort of to say, “I don’t know about you…” I’ll usually do this when she says something silly or goofy or weird. She’ll usually laugh and then hit me in a flirty way.
Generally speaking, I would say focus on your thoughts and I contact will be eye and natural for you. In fact, I would say focus exclusively on the thoughts you have and avoid thinking about physical eye contact mechanics – it’s a weird thing to distract yourself with during a conversation.
Legend’s method for eye contact is much simpler, “Just believe that you’re good at it.”
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