Recently we’ve been get all sorts of great letters from the readers of the site. Sometimes someone will ask a great question and I’ll think to myself, “You know what? I should just write a post about it since I’m sure a whole bunch of people have the same question.”
I am all for discussion and I am excited to see the rise in participation on this blog. I think we’re starting to create a community here – one where guys help out other guys and freely discuss these topics, without all the marketing garbage and product hawking… I think it’s refreshing.
Here are some recent letters on different topics that I think you’ll all enjoy:
Hi,
I would like to learn how to pick up women. I am living in NY and if you
know any website or link that can help me to find a community or something
to start into this art. I will appreciate.I am a good looking guy but shy to reaction and I need help.
I hope you help me.
Best
H
Hey there H – New York is a great place to learn this stuff. There are a lot of active, motivated and skilled men in your area (if you’re around the city) and I would encourage you to hang out with some of these guys. Lots of major cities have forums and mailing lists where men in the local area get together to discuss the topic of meeting, picking up and dating women. I would say check it out and find some guys who you are cool and who you can relate to.
Also, I would say read this site from the beginning to the present. Read the posts and listen to the Field Audio Debriefs. We haven’t been posting the Field Audio Debriefs lately since Legend and/or I have had a girl with us at the end of the night, but we recorded them to document our experiences on our nights out. You will definitely hear a difference over time in the way that Legend and I come across as we spent more time in the field.
And feel free to comment on any posts where you might have a question – we love questions. They help us make the site better.
Hope that helps.
I met a girl (26 y/o) I am also 26. We talked on for few days and we met. We
kissed in our first meeting in parking lot. Now she is asking me “are we
just friends or GF / BF?. Which in turn means she wants me to ask her out.
Now this is too soon. The kiss was mutual but initiated by me. Yes we both
enjoyed it and talked about it.I honesltly dont want to jump in to
relationship. Now this girl is a player. She is talking/flirting to other
guys.I know for a fact that we are both looking for fun. But my question is
why being GF/BF ? Is this only way we can go forward or should just play
along the friendship lines.
Question is how do I get laid. Whats the best way to go about it.M
Legend’s response:
Hey man,
I’ll give you my take on what you’ve said. I think she is asking you if you guys are GF / BF because she is looking for you to set and lead the interaction. As a man women want us to be leaders and really drive the direction of the interaction, at least the vast majority of them do.
If you are saying she is a “player” she may just be looking for you to make sure that you wont get attached or needy if you guys escalate and get sexual. This reaffirms my thoughts as you said you know she is looking for fun. Then I would suggest that because you know she is looking for fun that her asking you that she is trying to figure out if you guys did hook up if you would take it too seriously.
From the information you gave me I would say that you should just be honest and tell her what you are thinking just like you told me.
I would say play along the friendship lines and as long as you are still flirting and if you keep sexually escalating you will be good. As a guy we can lets just be friends the girl and still sexually escalate and get laid. We are in the position of power when we lead.
I hope this helps. This is my understanding from the short information you told me.
Thanks for replying,
So now there are two girls. With both of them I have chatted on line. Met them and kissed them in our first meeting. One i have already slept with (23 y/o). I am going to keep her around so i dont get desperate with other women. BUT she did the same thing I kissed her next day she is asking me why did i kiss her. I told her i like her. And she said she cant do it again unless we are together. I told her that we cant get in to relationship because this is so fast. She told me that “Wasnt me kissing her fast? So anyways I had to say that fine we are together. And I cant play along the friendship lines anymore with both girls. I guess If i were playing along with friendship lines. Things were slowing down. Any time I would make a move, I was going to get hit by friendship stick. And man I wanted to get laid since i just got out of 4 years of relationship. But still working on that 26 y/o…
Edge’s reply:
It sounds like you are having some issues with the frames of what’s happening.
What I mean is that she is taking the action of kissing and saying that it means download Two Mules for Sister Sara dvd War of the Worlds psp something. As in, kissing = relationship. She is setting the frame that if you kiss her, it means you are in a relationship with her and if you are not in a relationship with her, you can’t kiss her. By saying that you’re together, you “bought into” her frame and her rules. From a strategic standpoint, you don’t want to do it if it doesn’t jive with what you’re looking for at the moment.
To be good at holding your own frame and leading her, you need to be very very very clear about what you want and what your interactions mean. For example, if I were in your shoes and all I wanted was to have a few girlfriends that I could call up for sex, I would not establish that I am in a relationship with any one of them.
This summer I had several girls I could call up at any time and hook up. It was clear to them that none of them were my girlfriend, but we still had fun and everyone was fine the arrangement. However, when a girl started to get whiny or demand that I make her my girlfriend, I had to let her go. I was able to put it off for a little while, but sometimes there comes a point where you just need to let the other person walk away if she can’t deal with what you want the relationship to be.
An example to how I might have responded to her when she said, “Wasn’t kissing me fast?” I would have said, “No… it was at exactly the right time to do it because I felt compelled to kiss you. If I wasn’t insanely attracted to you, I wouldn’t be around…” I came up with this response because I’m clear that I am with her for lust, not love. Women can hook up with a guy based on lust, but don’t get all bent out of shape if she eventually leaves to find love.
Hope that’s helpful.
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OK, I’ve got some more mailbag response on the way, but that will be in an upcoming post.
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