I received an e-mail from someone who’s been following along my activities. In the e-mail, he is talking about the different ways he’s suffered in the past with women. We got into a discussion about focusing on the past – I would like to share my response with you all:
As I progressed in my own self-development, I focused less and less and less on the past.
At first, I was addicted to it. I indulged in thinking about painful memories or how I was wronged or how things went wrong and what I felt it meant about my potential. It became so painful and obstructive to where I wanted to go that I decided that it was a habit I had to break. But what was I going to replace it with?
Simply put… I replace it with continuing to build a new reality for myself. I continue to act into new, empowering frames where there used to be a weak or unhelpful one. When I have recognized a pattern in myself of acting in a way that does not generate the responses I want, I ask myself, “Under what circumstances (aka In what frame) would I act in a way that would get me what I want?” Once I have that answer, I live into that frame.
This is where I rest my attention nearly always when I’m in moments of self-reflection. I do not feed the habit of focusing on memories that do not feel good or that do not involve things I want more of in my life – I refuse to do it.
A buddy of mine who has had literally decades of success recommends being the profile of the alpha male, 1) highlighting the qualities of you that naturally fit the profile already, 2) cultivating and strengthening/developing other areas that fit the profile and 3) completely eliminating those that work against the profile. What I am describing here is a pathway to doing just that.
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I am going to try that. i had a huge realization this past few weeks and this is along those lines.
Thanks man
No problem – play with it and drop in to post some comments… It would be cool to hear your experience.