I’m finding that your attention and focus can have a tremendous impact on the entire interaction. I want to talk a little about something I call “focus game” and how I believe it can be used to improve your skills with women / dating.
I am chatting with a girl on Friday in a bar, when all of a sudden, some local radio station starts up a contest and begins loudly announcing their crap. I turn and look at the announcer and then turn back to the girl I was talking to. I noticed she was facing the announcers and then returned to me as soon as I started talking again.
At this moment, I thought to myself, “This radio stuff is going to keep going on. I don’t want her to pay any attention to it.” So I decided I was going to pretend that it was not there and keep focused only on what I wanted to be in the reality.
The result? She didn’t pay even an OUNCE of attention to the announcer after that. She was totally focused on me and what I was saying.
So this was a simple enough demonstration. But then I started thinking back on all the times that a distraction came up (or was present in my environment) and at least some amount of my attention was on that distraction. Inevitably, the distraction would end up wrecking the interaction.
On the other hand, I can remember all the times where I’ve shunted all distractions from my reality and “created a bubble” around me and her (or the group) and just ignored anything not useful. Those interactions have always gone well.
It goes deeper…
Sure, if you’re holding someone’s attention and you look at something, they’ll look as well. If you ignore something completely, they’ll ignore it. Fine.
But what about what we focus on in our own heads / intents? I think that our focus and attention within our own mind’s is a tremendous driving force behind the success or failure of an interaction.
Now I know that at best, most of us will say that we “don’t think, we just act” and the interaction flows. Sure, but EVERYTHING we do has at least a SEED of a thought behind it and an intent. That seed or intent is going to determine what we focus on and what we ignore.
I think this concept of “focus game” is a key component to what allows people to invincibly hold their frame effortlessly while others cannot.
I’m playing with this concept, so I am going to develop it further as I use it in the field. Just as a few examples, these are the things I’ve worked with this weekend:
- Ignore boring threads – just as if they were never brought up
- Ignore haters, people giving you shit, etc. – within reason, I mean, if you have 30 interactions in a row that go badly in the same way, it’s time for you to examine yourself. But generally, if you have any game at all, you’re going to have haters.
- Ignore environmental distractions – announcers, TVs, DJs, other guys (who are not part of the group), beggars, etc.
- Focus her/their attention on the emotion you want them to feel and on you being the source of those good feelings – Remember you are the prize. You are the observed and you are the party. You are NOT the chaser.
OK – I’ll write more about this as soon as I’ve developed it further. Check back.
P.S. I think the recap audio we recorded this weekend is the best “in field” audio we have done yet – if you download any audio from us, get this one. We’d love to get your feedback on it.
No related posts.