One of our readers (who’s an all around good guy) recently asked me, “Have you made any posts about identity?”

Not yet, actually. Legend and I have both touched on different ideas for how we manage our “avatar” (the image that people see and draw impressions from in a social environment), but I don’t think either of us have touched on the core issue of identity.

I think identity is a core and sacred topic. I want to be very frank in saying that this is an area I struggled with for years - I was very unclear and confused about who I was. These days, I have a very clear idea of my identity (though I continue to explore myself, as that is life). I want to share what my epiphanies were in terms of my own self and identity discovery.

In my early twenties, I was studying seduction and pick-up techniques… I tried nothing! I apply myself frequently and consistently now, but back then I was utterly confused and stuck. I did not want to do anything because I did not feel I was someone who could. “WHO is the man who is able to do this? WHO am I in the world? How does someone become more of the ‘WHO’ who can be successful with this stuff?”

It feels funny for me to type that now because it is so different from my present reality. But it is true… I was completely lost in terms of who I was, who is the guy who is good with women and what does it really mean to be a man?

Being a man… being a man… Until I was 24, I honestly felt like a grown up boy. Sure, I was a man in the anatomical sense. But I did not feel that my identity was a man’s… What even was it?

OK - enough background. How did I start on my path of discovering my identity as a man?

First, I got outside of my comfort zone. Unfortunately, I feel like “going outside of your comfort zone” is becoming a cliche phrase in the self-help industry… so I really want to drive this home.

Here’s my illustration of how being uncomfortable plays into identity:

Have you ever heard of someone talking about their defining moments? These are not pleasant, comfortable moments in a person’s life. These are ALWAYS moments where the person was under tremendous pressure and they took action. A defining moment can be both a success or a failure. But it is always a moment where the person is pushed all the way out, past their edge. You don’t get to know your identity within your comfort zone - you discovery your identity when you are pushed outside your comfort zone, forced to perform.

It has been my experience that the more I push outside of my comfort zone and what I’ve known, the more I discover my identity. In fact, the more I discover my identity, the stronger my identity becomes.

Related posts:

1. Legend - Identity based game
2. Legend - Breaking through Comfort
3. Legend - Taking Advice
4. Edge - Getting Sloppy
5. Edge - I Enjoy Life

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This entry was posted on Sunday, November 9th, 2008 at 3:26 pm and is filed under Journal, Thoughts.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.