I couldn’t come up with a good name for the post, but this is an exchange between me and someone else who’s studied pick-up for a while. I figure since I took the time to write a response, I might as well share it with everyone here (names/locations changed, and clipped out some details):
Friday night I checked out a piano bar. The piano man was magnificent! He got the whole crowd singing. I was right there, next to the piano, singing my heart out. Along with a half dozen young girls. I estimated that they were either in their late teens (possibly jailbait) or early twenties. In other words, at least thirty years younger than me. I flirted with them during the singing, but did not expect anything to come of it.
During the singing, one of the girls — in my opinion, the most attractive one -- approached me and asked me my name. What a sign of interest! I did not engage her in conversation; that would have been an overly abrupt shift from the singing, which we were all enjoying. And the piano man never took a break! But I did get her name.
As she was about to leave, I found a piece of paper, and wrote down my name and cell phone number. I said I would be at the beach the next day with my friends.
I did not feel it was right to ask for her phone number..
For several reasons: She kissed me and said, “I really have to go.” She seemed to be in an awful hurry to leave. Her interest in me seemed to be the result of the joyful singing of the moment, or her possibly being drunk. In addition to her being much younger than me.
I recently read that my favorite seduction guru, —— of ——–, says he never asks for a woman’s phone number, because that usually results in nothing. But if a woman asks for his phone number, he gives it to her, knowing that this is likely to be the real thing. In this particular case, it was the woman who asked me for my name, but it was I who asked for the phone number. I’m wondering what you think of ——’s philosophy.
In my situation, there was no conversation, other than an exchange of names, and it was the woman who said “I need to go.” So I am wondering if you thought that it was a mistake for me not to ask for her phone number.
Anyway, the woman said she would text my cellphone.. I have never sent a text message, and do not know how to do it (though I did not tell her that), and so I told her it would be better to call me. As I expected, I did not hear from her.
Possible lessons:
1. Make sure I always have business cards with me in the future.
2. Consider being more assertive in asking for the woman’s phone number. Despite what —— says.
3. Learn text messaging.
4. Get past the belief that a 20-year-old girl is too young for a 53-year-old man. The belief that she is “too young” for me becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The belief that she is old enough can also become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I need more self-confidence.
Edge:
You don’t need to focus on things like how old she is or the difference in your age. As long as she’s 18 or over, she’s legal and you don’t need to be concerned with her age. It’s up to her to decide whether or not she likes you, not you.
In other words, your attention doesn’t need to be on making her like you. That means, if you want to show interest, show interest. Give her your number. Talk to her. Your interest is nothing to be ashamed of.
The story sounds as if you’re focused on acting cool (by thinking about whether or not you should exchange numbers without a special ‘technique’, by not talking when you’re singing). The way I see it, you were having a good time and comfortable singing and spending time with a bunch of women. So, this attractive woman sees you and she thinks to herself, “Hmmm… well-dressed, handsome, sophisticated-looking man who appears to be fun and single! AKA Desired Male Profile.” So she waits for you to make a move. And waits. And waits. And finally gets fed up to the point where she says, “I’ll just initiate something!”
So she asks your name to spark a conversation. I’ve said it before, a woman (who you’ve never met) does not NEED to talk to you. If she does, she’s made the choice to… and if she’s made the choice to, she’s interested in you.
So she throws herself at you, but you’re so buried in what this “guru” said, you don’t see that she is extremely interested in you.
You would do better to chuck —— in the garbage and work on your beliefs about yourself. If you truly believed that women want you exactly as you are, you would be able to be successful. Instead, you jump from one school to another, trying to “play chess on a football field”.
The truth is, you are good enough for all of the women you want. The problem is, in your mind, you do not believe you are good enough. Therefore, you compensate for your imagined lack and MANIFEST disinterest in the women. But the disinterest is manufactured by your compensatory behaviors, not by who you are.
I recommend giving the “gurus” a rest for a little while. You’re getting to buried in making “the right move” and it’s paralyzing you.
I will give you a metaphor: Some people can enjoy alcohol – they have an occasional drink at social events and are able to have fun without drinking too much. Other people cannot control their drinking – they are alcoholics and alcohol destroys their life.
In the same way, some people can listen to a “seduction guru”, take the useful information and put the material into perspective. Other people cannot – they become led astray, using the material as a shield to prevent them from dealing with themselves and with intimacy. They become confused and paralyzed by the material.
I feel like I’ve said all of this before. Step up and when a woman is making moves, close the deal.
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