I think a lot of people in the seduction community preach that they are not judgmental. They say don’t judge, give value, and be an open person. I think its very positive but I also think that a lot of people preach it but don’t practice it.

Everyone wants to aspire to a place where they are not judgmental and they certainly don’t want to be judged.

Recently I was at an event where one particular thing stood out to me. He was going on and on about being non- judgmental and how it can greatly effect everyone game then the conversation got onto the topic of strippers and porn stars and he immediately started spitting out snap negative judgments about them.

I think its extremely important to have core values such as being non-judgmental, but come on guys practice what you preach. There is nothing more un-attractive in a person regardless of anything else then if they are shifty in their core beliefs.

I know that one of the biggest reasons a lot of people are in the community is that at some point a girl hurt them. Probably pretty bad. I know I really got into this after a bad break up. Our experience from our past have shaped our values and how we react to other people. Our experiences with women shape how we think and treat them now.

This is all about self – improvement. If you really want a loving good relationship with a girl that you love and that she loves you then, to get to that place we are all going to have to let go of our past. Our past pains and our past presuppositions. I see it all to often that a lot community guys have deep seeded anger issues toward women. Guys some girls can smell it. Just like when you are hanging out with a person that is all negative in his life. It seeps into the conversation. It poisons it. We shouldn’t be learning game to fix emotional issue with a particular girl from our past.

I want to develop my-self into the best possible person I can be. I think a lot of guys have that same vision but they hold on to bad feeling in their past. Sure I was hurt badly by one particular girl. Its her though not all of women. Even if you’ve had bad experiences with 100 woman that is such a small tiny fraction compared to the billions that are on the planet and at some point you might have to take a hard look at yourself and think if it is them or if it is you.

This is kind of a rant but practice what you preach and everyone will see it.

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This post is inspired by something I heard Entropy say recently. Credit to him and check out his blog.

Let me drill this down a bit: I’m not saying that my interactions with women don’t have painful moments, or frustrating moments, or sad or angering or confusing moments. What I am saying is that I now know that I will never be permanently damaged by my relationship with any one woman (on an emotional level).

I bring this up because there’s all this talk in our society and in the media about the guy-character that guys fucked over by a woman in the worst way and he’s just an emotional wreck. I think it’s a terrible role-model to keep putting up for men in our society – that kind of self-indulgent sulking is not productive and it is not necessary!

I do absolutely acknowledge and believe that there is value in natural grieving when love is lost. I absolutely believe that there’s nothing wrong with experiencing the natural shock, pain, horror, sadness, etc. when a relationship that you care about falls apart. I don’t even think that there’s anything wrong with feeling it when you try to approach a woman and you just get shot down.

What I’m saying is that once you’ve experienced it, there is no reason to draw it out and keep sulking. There’s no reason to continue to feed and dramatize a bad experience. Once it’s happened, I learn what I can from it, draw my conclusions and then move on. I don’t make it my story. I don’t turn it into something I need to endlessly revisit.

THAT is the process that would bring me down. THAT is the process that I was afraid of experiencing and would view as something to fear from women. But it wasn’t the woman or having a relationship that was the problem – it was how I dealt with things that came up!

I realize now that when I feared being “damaged” by women or my experienced from women, I would hold back. I would not open up myself to women because if she didn’t respond well or if she didn’t like what I put out there then she was rejecting me.

Holding back in this way created superficial and ultimately unfulfilling experiences. And don’t read that lightly – I am literally saying that I would have a sexual experience with a woman and almost wish I had been spending my day doing something else.

I have found that the best way to present myself now is to go “all out”. That means acting exactly how I am and saying exactly how I actually feel, even if it isn’t smooth or cool or suave. Even if it’s geeky, or dorky, or silly, or weird… whatever (I’m not saying that that’s my modus operandum, I’m just saying I’m not afraid to act this way if I feel like it.)  The vulnerability means that she might not always approve of what I’m putting out there, but it allows connection, attraction and fulfillment to be possible.

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After stepping into the role of “blogger” at the beginning of June 2008 for this site, I have started to reflect on different places where I’ve progressed. It’s no secret that I put a lot of stock and focus into improving my own thought processes and choosing to think in a way that sets me up to win.

I think one area that held me back in my past relationships (and life in general) was my attitude.

I was a complainer and critical by nature in the past and if I didn’t like something, I would get fired up – I was prone to ranting about all sorts of things that annoyed me, versus just letting them go and focusing on what I want.

One striking area that definitely affected my performance in life and love was what I chose to hate.

I believe that hating things in general is a bad strategy, but if I’m going to hate something, I definitely shouldn’t hate people who have attained success in areas I’d like to be successful in.

For example, I think it’s a really really bad idea to hate guys who are “players” or notoriously successful with women if you want to be good with women. I used to do this!! I used to look at a guy in a TV show who was a player and think “what an asshole”. I used to see a guy at a party who was getting all sorts of female attention (and I’m talking about the sexy, you-make-me-hot kind of attention) and I’d hate the guy.

Now, clearly this “hate” stemmed from my own bitterness, jealousy and frustration with my own dating situation. Those were issues onto themselves. But the fact was that I didn’t even see it as the problem that it was!

Admittedly, I hate writing articles that highlight how shitty my thinking used to be, but I do it because I want you (the reader) to see that I have really worked on the way I think and, as a result, my results improved tremendously. Not everyone has the same problems or stumbling blocks in this area of life, but if you recognize any of what I’m talking about in you, I would encourage you to shift your thinking.

What do I do these days? Well, my natural response when I see someone succeeded is to think “good for you”. It makes me feel good to think that. It makes me feel good that people around me are winning and that we live in a world where we can win. Moreover, it gives me a feeling that there’s abundance all around me, that there’s enough to go around and that there’s no need to squabble over petty things or fight over getting a piece of the pie, so to speak.

Related posts:

1. Why I Hate a “Pick-up Artist”

I had a thought today about learning to be better with women, better pick-up artist, better at seduction, etc. Whatever you want to call it.

I think that there are some figures in the seduction community that promise to give you certain skills or certain problems. Some focus on hypnotic language patterns, some focus on group theory, some focus on push and pull / cocky and funny and creating sexual tension.

These are the tools and they promise certain results.

But I think back to when I was starting out in learning to pick up women and learn seduction when I felt overwhelmed with all of choices out there. The resounding question – “Who should I choose as a school of thought to pursue? Where should I look first to improve in this area?”

If I were to give one thing to look at as a place to focus, I would say seek out teachers who have / had experienced the problems that you deal with. I’m not talking about the problems presented in sales letters – sales letters will promise to solve every problem you could possibly have.

No, I am advocating learning about the author / instructor and get an understanding of the problems they personally experienced and sought out to solve (and eventually did). THAT is the teacher you should pursue – the one that solved the problem that you’re currently having.

The reason why I mention this is I attended a sex lecture recently. The lecture was good, the material was well explained and well presented, but the fact of the matter is I didn’t need it.

Am I claiming I got nothing from it? No. Am I claiming that I am so excellent and perfect at sex that there is no room or need for improvement? Absolutely not.

All I’m saying is that I have limited time in the day and if I’m going to put time into self-improvement, I want to make damn sure that I am targeting an area that I specifically need to improve on. Otherwise, I’m just spending time on “mental masturbation”.

At this point, I have enough knowledge for me to pursue with greater depth. There is no reason for me to expand out my focal area to a greater breadth.

Just my thoughts – this is the type of thing I realize now but would have been good for me to know at the beginning.

Hope it helps!

Thoughts?

Related posts:

1. Why I Hate a “Pick-up Artist”

Edge and I have been putting together a short book on everything we’ve been doing over the last six months in game.  It’s going to be a 30+ articles that will be posted over a three-month period on the blog and released to the newsletter as Free Book to our dedicated readers.

These articles are going to detail everything that we have currently been doing.  As we are releasing these I want to my move forward and evolve into a more advanced way of doing things.

The more you study this, the more you start to realize that you can’t have a rigid game model and at the same time if you want to actually get anywhere you can’t have no model at all.  I’ve found that you need something to practice and the whole idea of “just do it” is a little silly.

Lately I’ve been looking for something that is more fluid and is really the next model of game.  I’ll be posting about it in my next few posts.

I want to strip away the old teachings and move forward to version 3 of pick-up.

Everything has to be stripped down and I’m going to start from scratch again but with my experience I’m going to put in place habits and goals in a way that this time I believe after few months of hard-core practice I can achieve much better results.

Three major re-frames:

1. Pickup should be fun and not work.

2. Pickup is about going out and meeting new friends then getting laid will be an after thought.

3. You do not need the perfect pickup, there is no surefire way and you will constantly make mistakes.

What this accomplishes:

1. When we go out our interactions should be fun, not work.  Lets Re-framing everything in a way so that it is fun then a lot of performance pressure and anxiety should go away.

2. Going out with the goal of meeting people for fun and seeing if they live up to your expectations gives you the power and also makes everything light and enjoyable. Make friends with everyone and you will naturally end up getting laid.

3. Coming from old-school teachings really takes us into thinking that we can manufacture the perfect approach so we don’t have to fail.  The big problem with this is it creates extreme performance anxiety and approach anxiety.  If we frame it as it is okay to fail and screw up and that there is never a perfect approach then it frees us to actually try and then we will succeed.

It’s important to look at the foundations and the fundamentals but if we get that all right then everything else will click and we won’t run into problems later.

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One thing I’ve been thinking about lately as I revamp my game from the ground up is the roles that we play and how they affect our game. The frames that we set for ourselves without realizing it can have a huge effect on everything.

It’s important to think about what you’re doing and how are you doing it because everything can drastically affect the outcome and the type of girls that you are having success with.  If you’re playing the part of a certain type of guy, you’re only going to get a certain type of girl that meshes with that persona.

Take a look at the underlying meanings of your approach to game so that you can plan your course of action accordingly.  You want to have a style of dress and style of conversation that fits the type of person you want to portray.  You also have to think about the kind of girl that you want because only certain types of girls are going to go for certain types of guys.

Certain types of girls will have one night stands with certain types of guys and those same girls might want a relationship with other types of guys.  Think about the underlying actions and how you are approaching your interactions.  I believe your success will skyrocket when everything fits together in a congruent way.

The Roles

The creepy guy

This guy stands in the corner or stands at the bar and does not approach.  He hovers and watches all the action and he’s getting no one because he is not taking any action.

The pickup artist

The pickup artist is a really bad role to have because he draws his validation from the reactions he gets from other people socially. Only a pickup artist will get anxiety when going up to talk to girls that he is not even attracted to!  All of their internal state is based on the reactions they get externally, making it difficult to get good reactions sometimes.

The question guy

This guy just asks lots of questions and comes off needy and annoying.  He takes some action, but never really gets anywhere.

The Entertaining guy

This guy, although he may entertain a lot of people, tends to be in lots of different interactions and is just a fun bar guy.  He is usually pegged as that crazy bar guy.  The girls will make out with him, but they don’t take him home.  He usually gets nowhere. The girls like him, but he is just more of the gay friend or that bar guy.

The Guido

This is the guy who runs around asking girls if they want to fuck.  The Alpha ex-high school jock.  He tells girls to fuck off if they don’t want him.  He’s going to get really drunk girls that are attracted to him.

The party guy

This guy is similar to entertaining guy, but he knows how to escalate.  Think frat boy. Loud, obnoxious, and dominant.  This role lends itself towards the party girl.  The one that’s out at the club every night and knows all the promoters.  If you want a girl like this, the loud party guy is for you.  It will work when you’re in your early twenties, but I would not recommend this approach as you get older.

The funny guy

This guy is extremely funny and basically laughs the girls pants off.  It works on certain types of girls that go for funny guys.   Being funny is a great tool, but if mastery is your goal, don’t let it be your whole game.

The interesting guy

This is a guy that has a lot of really interesting things to say.  He is not going to be able to hold the attention of a bubbly party girl, but he can get into deep conversations with the sober girl.  It works for girls that are more intellectual, but not the party girls.

The sexual guy

This guy is plainly sexual and makes no apology for it.  He will get fast closes and girls who are sexually open.  Its not going to work on some girls, but on other ones you will be amazed at the results.

The high-value guy

The high-value guy can have anyone.  He operates in a screening frame and thinks he rules the world.  People must work for his time.  I believe this is the most powerful role, but it is not for everyone.

What to do

Look at your personality and what you like to do and play your strengths.  If you can actually play to your strengths instead of trying to develop a completely new persona, then you will get the results you want much faster.  Play to your natural strengths and get rid of everything that doesn’t work.

For me, I want to focus on being the high-value guy mixed with the sexual guy, humor, and interesting.  Taking on lots of different persona’s will take time to develop, but if I focus on one at a time I will be able to master them all.   I enjoy this as a hobby; you don’t need to go to extremes to get a girl.

Thoughts?

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