Lately, I’ve been feeling stressed.  Not depressed or angry (like I was oftentimes when I was working a 9-5 job), but the vast majority of my days lately have had a quality of sadness, a vague sense of fear and an overall desire to distract myself.

When I started this site, I wanted to have a journal to hold myself accountable to being at my best.  I’ve always looked at success with women as a bi-product of living in a successful way.  Not in a material way, but in an experiential way:  Taking successful action in a way that works AND feels good.

But I haven’t been in that state of mind lately.  I’ve been off my diet for about 2 months now, same with exercise and while I have been working hard and moving ahead in the business side of my life, increased success has not brought me increased happiness.

In fact, I’ve been walking around in a low-grade funk a lot of the time and it’s been seeping into my relationships and interactions with women.

So I decided it’s time to reprioritize. I decided that I am going to start putting my experience and happiness at the top of my priority list.

The quality of my work and my interactions with people are only going to be as good as the quality of my consciousness.

So last night, I listened to an hour of Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now (in audiobook format) and another two hours this morning.

I am not going to say that I immediately entered an effortless, blissful state immediately after my Eckhart binge session, but I do feel tremendously better than I have been lately.

I’m going to make my meditation and Eckhart sessions a priority for the next 7 days and see how it affects my overall quality of life.  And then I will blog about it here.

Eric / Edge

P.S.  I have a lot of awesome projects in the works that I’m very excited about.  One of them is to reboot this website – I started PuE back in June 2008 and there are some things I’m pleased with and other things I feel should be removed or overhauled.  Once I wrap up a couple of projects I have in the works, Pick-up Evolution is going to get a complete website reboot.  The new PuE is going to kick ass, stay tuned.

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One of the most liberating moments in developing skills with women (and my own personal development) was when I discovered the power of unreactivity.

Unreactivity (or non-reactivity) is when you choose to stop reacting to shit that happens.

It’s not that you don’t notice what’s happening.  It’s not that you shut off your emotions.

It’s just simply that you choose not to be affected by it.

Take a moment and think about that.  Most people don’t step back from their lives and acknowledge they have that choice.

They lead a life of chasing “good feelings and circumstances” and avoiding “bad feelings and circumstances” and all the meanwhile they could just choose to stop depending on circumstances to “give you” the state.

I am here to tell you that you have the power to not react to things.  You can give yourself that permission and freedom.

In fact, you squelch all of your ability to effectively influence people when you are reactive.

The places in your life where you react are the places where you are manipulated by your environment, external circumstances or other people.

When you react to others, you are a puppet to your environment or “scary internal thoughts”.  Your mind will toy with you the way a cat toys with a mouse.

On the other hand, when you choose to stop reacting, you gain tremendous power to influence.  You are no longer a dog chasing after the mail truck and barking at its tires.

More discussion to come.

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Legend and I have been winging each other for years.  We’ve had massive success, created amazing memories and have had tons of fun, but every step of the way we’ve asked ourselves:  How can we make this even better?

Better.  Faster.  More effective.  And more fun…

One thing we just discovered this weekend is how to turn a “bad night” into a “good night” and help each other as wings.

Now, before I talk about what we’ve started doing, let me give you some background and context into what I’m talking about.

For years, Legend and I have talked about the good night/bad night phenomenon in our time in field, where one night of the weekend we’ll be on fire and the other night will be virtually a dud.

We would talk about it, analyze and come up with reasons and realizations as to why the night was a dud (we didn’t get any momentum, we weren’t in state, etc.), but regardless of what the reasons were, we had no way of getting into a good state that night if it started down the path of being a dud.

So just last night, Legend and I were at one of our favorite venues.  The conditions were good, I was mentally clear and I was set on having a good, fun, social evening.

And yet, nothing was clicking.  Instead of getting the IOIs (indicators of interest) that I’m used to getting to varying degrees, I was getting averted eye-contact and conversations that just weren’t coming together.

Like I said though, I had mental clarity and I was recognizing the unhelpful thoughts that were coming up.  These were thoughts like:

• I’m not “in state”
• I’m looking for validation and positive responses and getting imbalanced when I’m not getting them (criteria dependency)
• I don’t feel like “the man”
• I don’t feel like talking to anyone or diving into approaches
• This evening isn’t turning out to be what I was hoping for.

After about an hour and a half in, I noticed how bummed about how I was feeling and how the evening was going in general.

At that moment, I said to myself that it was time to get back to the basics.  What is the most basic belief I want to be holding constantly as I’m here?

For me, that state is being the “prize”.  Now I got this from Swinggcat, who’s one of my favorite teachers in the realm of picking up women and sucking them into my world, in a way that has them chasing me and reaching for more of my attention and approval.  You can check out Swinggcat here.

I said to Legend, “OK, I am going to just hold the belief in the forefront of my mind that I am the prize that women are wanting and reaching for.”  Legend was down for the experiment and decided to hold a similar thought for himself, holding the belief, “I am the shit!”

We walked around for a minute just soaking in the beliefs and reality of that.  After about a couple of minutes, we returned to the same place we were standing and everything changed.

We were getting looks and indicators of interest left and right.  In fact, two women virtually opened us at that point – they walked right over to us and we just said, “Hi.”

I said to Legend, “OK, I want you to play a game with me for the rest of the night.  Every 30 seconds or minute or two minutes, I want you to ask me, “Hey, are you the prize?”  And I would tap into my mind, make sure I was “there” and respond with a definitive, “Yes, I am the fucking prize!”

After starting this game, the whole night changed.  It went from being a potential dud to one of the best nights we’ve had in a while.  And this is definitely something we’re going to be refining to align with other useful states in field.

One state I want to world on being able to access in a pinch is the “go for it” or “do it now” state, where I just see an opportunity (no matter how ideal or not ideal the conditions) and just go for it.

This line of thinking is all part of the inner game material that I am developing for my inner game coaching clients.  Being able to improve your inner game so that you can blast past sticking points is essential, so if you’re getting caught up on certain areas of picking up women (whether it’s getting thrown off by when a woman acts difficult or even just getting yourself out of the house and approaching), I can help get you there.  Send us an e-mail at askapua (at) pickupevolution.com and let us know your sticking point.

Don’t forget to sign up for our pua newsletter to get our latest insights and a ton of free stuff.

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I’ve talked on this blog about some of the inner game issues that I deal with.

This blog started out as a journal for Legend and I to talk about the stuff we face in the real world.  Sure, we talk about our successes and techniques we use, but it’s not our objective to put up a front of being a superhuman master pick up artist.

Friday night, I stayed in.  I just didn’t want to be around people.  My feeling was that I was in such a bad mood that I didn’t want people to see me so down.  Moreover, I felt like if I forced myself to approach women, my crappy state would poison the interactions and I would just feel worse.

I took some time to myself and did some work, then did a powerful, refreshing meditation session.  Once I had a moment to unplug, I realized what it was.

I was beating myself up over not being what I wanted to be, being where I wanted to be and having what I wanted to have.  I wasn’t OK with my situation.

That’s simple enough to understand, but when I was in the fog of it, I couldn’t get a handle on the process that was keeping me down.  All I knew is I felt awful and saw any improvement as hopeless.

But once I was able to see the process that was keeping me down, I also recognized what led me there.  To be honest, I started down that path with the best of intentions.

I started the year with ambitious goals of where I wanted to be in pick-up, with my projects and with my fitness.  And I made progress… tremendous progress up until about mid-April.

And every day, as I looked at the progress, I was thrilled.  On top of the world.  I looked at where I wanted to improve and I saw improvement, so I felt like a winner.

But when setbacks started happening, I began to feel terrible.  I wasn’t OK with it.  In fact, I was so myopically focused on my success in these areas it was as if there was nothing else to life.  So I saw only these areas and because I wasn’t winning (or winning as quickly as I wanted to be), I felt terrible.

And there was no escape.  Because I had unconsciously made the decision that these few areas of life were the only thing that mattered, I couldn’t enjoy anything outside of them.

If I wanted to give myself a break, I couldn’t shake the thought that I was losing in the areas that mattered to me.  I couldn’t enjoy watching a movie or talking to a friend because those relentless standards kept creeping into my thoughts.

So as of Friday night, I adopted a new, simple mantra that I tell myself when any of these painful thoughts come up.

“It’s OK.”

I had a crappy workout today.  “It’s OK.”
I gained weight.  “It’s OK.”
I just don’t feel comfortable approaching tonight.  “It’s OK.”

The idea that I can be OK with things is liberating for me.  For years I’ve avoided telling myself that situational setbacks were OK because I’ve been terrified of settling for a mediocre life.  That is, if I let myself think that it’s OK to slip up, I’ll just become a comfortable slob who is content with going nowhere in life.

I don’t know if any of you can think about that and relate to it, but I know for me that was a paradigm I’ve been caught up in for a while.  With clarity I can see how it contributes to being on a “progress roller-coaster.”

You know, having months of progress and then “crashing” for several months for some amorphous reason.

The fact is, I don’t make progress because I beat myself up.  I make progress because I’m inspired by what could be.  If anything, being unhappy with “what is” at a given moment is the biggest detriment on me making progress.

To put it differently:  I get stuck when I get caught up in being dissatisfied with what is – it robs me of my ability to be inspired.  But when I am happy with where I am, I have the ability to be inspired by the possibility of what could be.

So I’m going to be OK with everything as it is and let inspiration about improvement naturally carry me forward.

I believe that inner game is the most important piece of the whole pick-up artist / dating / seduction puzzle.  The techniques and tricks are all awesome, but if you can’t feel good taking the actions that lead to progress you’re going to be at a standstill for a while.

If you’re struggling with inner game issues, send me an e-mail at admin@pickupevolution.com.  I offer inner game coaching for guys who really want to get a handle on their seduction / pua inner game issues, so if that’s something that interests you send me a line.

Also, one of the projects that Legend and I are working on is making a collection of tools and techniques to make picking up women fun instead of being a process or work.  We just finished up our sixth month of our interview series, so if you’re interested in learning ways to make pick-up something natural and fun, sign-up for the our monthly interview club.

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From the beginning, I have always viewed building my seduction / picking up women skills as a gateway to overall self-improvement and confidence.

Think about it: Making good choices and self-improvement often leads to becoming a more desirable man in general, whether it is developing your personality, your health, your body, your personal style, your diet or your mind.

And what could be more motivating than getting to have the kind of success with women that you really want?

Any guy who has invested more than 3 months into building his skills at picking up women has probably run into an inner game block of some sort.

Maybe it’s crippling approach anxiety. Maybe it’s an overall sense that they “don’t belong” in the environment or they don’t “fit in” at a bar or club. Maybe it’s an inability to bring yourself to do what you know you need to do to get the results you want.

Whatever it is, it’s important to have a solid plan in place to handle your inner game so your progress doesn’t stop dead in its track.

The first step… the most important step… the most crucial and core step… is detection. If you can’t detect what is coming up for you that blocks or inhibits you, you are not going to have any ability to resolve it.

To use a metaphor: Trying to resolve an inner game issue without having a clear idea of exactly what it is would be like me blindfolding you, spinning you around and then trying to have you throw a dart at the bulls-eye on a target.

The chances of you even hitting the dartboard would be slim to none, let alone the bulls-eye.

But if you can look inside deeply and really analyze what comes up for you when your inner game block comes up, you’re starting down the right path.

Once you have a really clear picture of what it is that is coming up for you (the thoughts, the feelings, the things you are afraid of or want to avoid, etc.) you’re 80% of the way there. Seriously – 80%!

From that point, you can start trying different things to resolve the issue. This would be the equivalent of me taking off your blindfold so you can see the target now!

The remaining 20% is “throwing darts” until you “hit the bulls-eye” (resolve the problem).

In my next post, I’ll talk about how I approach that step.

By the way: Did you know that we offer a free Dating Diagnostic when you join our mailing list? If you haven’t taken us up on the offer yet, I encourage you to sign-up for our list and get one.

Nikki or I will personally talk to you on the phone and help you hash out a game plan to solve your most pressing dating/pick-up related challenges. It’s free customized advice, personalized to you. In fact… you can’t get more personalized than what we’re doing!

If you’re having challenges in the area of dating, picking-up women, seduction or inner game, give us a shout or send us an e-mail. We’re always happy to help.

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Many times people talk about studying picking extensively and having it bring them to a dark place or they get burnt out from doing it.   I think its extremely important to look at why this happens so it doesn’t happen to you.

Some people as they become more and more successful start to realize that no matter how many women you have sex with, it isn’t making you happy its not the answer.  You started out with this grand goal of being able to go out to a bar or club and seduce beautiful women.

After practicing extensively you achieve that goal, you start to have more and more success, but then realize that having more women in your life is not the answer.  The same old depression and sadness hits and you don’t know why.  This is the trap many guys who get good with this stuff fall into.

The reason for this is that studying pick-up and quite frankly doing anything from a perspective of lack of will lead to this path.  If you are doing it because you never got it or if you are trying to fill a hole in your life with women then no matter how many women you bed, still that hole will remain.

The need and lack of is a terrible way reason to do something.  The negative motivation that you put on yourself can only carry you so far until the negative snap back effect appears.  Then you lose your drive and will to go forward and find yourself stuck back at the beginning again.  Still wanting even with your new found ability.

On the flip side when you do something because you love to do it.  You desire the experience and enjoy the process then what ever your doing will feel good to do.  You can continue to move forward positively and feel good about the process, which is extremely important.

I think its really important to not only approach pick-up as a process but learn to enjoy the process.

If you are out looking (hunting) for that one hot girl then your entire mentality will sabotage your game.  How ever if you are out being social and enjoying the experience of being social, then when that beautiful women who you would love to meet appears, you can easily go right up to her and meet her.

All in all I think it is extremely important to learn pick-up because you enjoy women, if your coming from a place of lack where part of you resents women or anything like that then you should probably seek professional help but on the flip side of that if you want wild success and to learn pick-up you should seek my help.  Yes shameless self plug.

Anyway get on the newsletter for more great tips right now, just enter your name and email below.

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