I think in this area of study and especially with my personal experience going from a guy who couldn’t approach to having complete comfort where ever I go, it really comes down to being about the long term process.  With all the crazy magic pill marketing it can be a little difficult to feel like you can achieve results.

The reason for this is that a lot of the “mentality” of the training and information out there sets you up to fail. I remember when I started off, I would study some tactic or technique that was supposed to get me x result, I would then go out and try it and it wouldn’t give me that result.

So in my naive state of mind I would be forced to go back to the drawing board searching for that special new technique or method that would work for me. It was endless.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that for you to experience full blown earth shattering change and transformation that it was all about baby steps.  Counter intuitive yest but the only real answer is persistent long term action.  Learn one skill at a time and become proficient at it until you can move to the next one.

This is one thing that I would advocate for you. If your stuck at a certain point in game then back up becuase the problem probably happened because of something you did before.  What you think happened isn’t the real cause. So the best bet is to start focusing on the fundamentals one at a time.

1.Get your motivation to create change down.

2. Get your goals in order so you know what to do.

3.Handle your approach anxiety.

4.Then work on your ability to start conversations and open consistently.

5.Once you have done that worry about staying in conversation for as long as possible and getting to know the girl before you ever worry about attraction or escalation.

My point is that these major mile stones will take anywhere from a day to a few months to handle each.  In my case it was longer. It took me years toget my motivation to truly change set and to set my goals and decide what I really want was difficult.   It took me months to cultivate the ability to start conversations and another year to be able to stay in them forever.

I say this not to discourage you but to give you my time frame,  I am sure that you are at a better starting point then I was years ago.  Just by the fact that you have a resource like this, to help you is simple amazing.   I say this because to really get change and to really learn this stuff and start having real results in your life, in reality its going to take time.   Not a weekend but anywhere from 3 months to 6 months before you start really becoming competent and longer to become consistent.

It can be done.

Through out high school I was always the “quite shy guy.”   I didn’t talk a lot and even through out the first few years of college I was labeled as the quiet guy.  I always felt I would give anything to change that and then I read the game.   Slowly through a few years of development I worked at it.   I watched every product I could get my hands on.

Then I cut a lucky break and learned one of my high school friends had gone out to project hollywood which is mentioned so infamously in the game.   Then slowly I transformed into the loud guy talkative guy;  the one who is the center of attention.  It still blows my mind when I ask girls what their impression of me is and they tell me I am the guy who is always the center of attention.   BUT only after I get this real world feed back do I realize that it worked.

If it worked for me, I know it can work for you.

The key is that you need is ongoing studying and ongoing practice where you learn one still at a time.  If you do that and focus your energy on learning one thing until you are decently proficient in it and then move to the next one you will start to experience amazing real change in your life.  You will start getting the results in your life.

This is one of the core reasons Edge and I just launched our Insider Interview Monthly Audio Club.  It is set up in a way so you can benefit by learning one core skill at a time and focus on it so you get real change. Here is a mini pitch, while more like a bribe.  That’s right I am going to bribe you so you can achieve success in your life (more on that later) but if you want to experience full blown real results in your life I highly encourage you to check out this: Click Here To Collect Your Bribe

I think you will be pleasantly surprised but act now because it is only available till Thursday night.

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And that’s a great thing.

This is going to seem like a contradictory post from my first one last week but it’s more of a compliment. To prove such I’ll start by using another Tyler Durden quote.

“I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may.”

While you may have goals and specific things that you may want to accomplish when it comes to pickup and your overall personal development, it’s important to understand that this thing called “life” will happen and in an instant, change the game on you. The key to your success journey is to just go with it.

When I finished school and went back to Boston, I had absolutely NO clue what was going to happen. I had visions of living with a few of my best friends, getting a kick ass job in design and being able to hang out with my old high school friends again, since I didn’t get to hang with them for nearly 5 years.

None of those things happened.

I ended up living at home with my parents, couldn’t get a job in design, picked up a job as a valet and all of my friends pretty much got themselves “real jobs” and weren’t really around much to hang out – leaving me alone to an extent.

I could have sat there and cried about it, thinking that I was screwed and I couldn’t make anything of myself the way I wanted to. But I didn’t; I decided to accept the fact that these were the cards I was dealt and I still played with them. Things have turned out much better for me, nine months later and as I can only see it getting better.

When it comes to meeting and connecting with women, no matter what anyone says out there, you will never have the perfect “thing” that will work every time with every woman. Every interaction you have with someone will be different and all you need to do is have the social aptitude and flexibility to go with the flow and learn from each interaction. You can have all the visions in the world about how your interactions are going to go and life will not care about it. Life will throw things in there that just doesn’t make sense. But you know what? That’s great. It should put less pressure on you for trying to make things perfect and allow yourself to be more carefree and LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

Let things happen and keep learning. Continue to evolve and you’ll be well on your way to become the person you want to be…and the object of every woman’s desire.

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I want to start off by thanking Legend and Edge for allowing me to post here regularly. I love what these guys are doing and a lot of what they talk about is actually what I talk about all day, every day to my clients and people around me. I hope that I can help build the momentum as we are all here to learn about how to improve our lives day by day to be the best we are capable of.

Earlier today, I came across an article about Tyler Durden (played by Brad Pitt) and his amazing quotes from Fight Club. If you haven’t seen it, you need to find a way to see it because this is a movie that will get you motivated. One of his memorable quotes is one that I want to talk about today.

“This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

That’s right, guys. After you read this, will have 5-10 minutes less to live your life. The significance with this quote is that when we go out and are so worried about being the perfect worker or the perfect friend or the perfect guy for women, we forget one thing.

No one can be perfect. No one.

Yes, throughout time, baseball pitchers have pitched perfect games and NFL teams have gone an entire regular season without losing even once, but that is in one specific period of time. That period of time will last forever but it’s history and the timeline continues. We need to come to the conclusion that we will never be perfect and the more you worry about trying to be, the less time you will have to just learn and evolve to be who you want to be.

You are going to make mistakes. You are going to fail sometimes. Stop being afraid of those things. Your fear is holding you back from truly succeeding and isn’t that what you want? Success?

In order to truly succeed, you will have to suffer through failure.

I don’t know about you but the more I fail at something, the more likely I will have a breakthrough that will ultimately lead me to my greatest success.

What does this all mean in terms of pick up and self-improvement? When you set goals for what you want out of the experience, your goals should be as specific as reasonably possible. For example, When my girlfriend dumped me a little over a year ago, I said to myself that I was going to work hard for the rest of my life learning to become a better person to prevent [what caused her to dump me] from happening ever again. And I will not stop until I find myself in a state where I can look back and fully believe that I have reached there.

The man I want to be is constantly evolving based on the experiences that I go through everyday I walk out of the front door of my house. Little, subtle changes that will eventually make up the man I will become. And a little over a year later, I can honestly say that I am WELL on my way to getting there. But believe me when I say that I failed many times and succeeded very few times to get where I am now. And that’s where the expectations come in. When you set any goal in life, ONLY expect two things.

1. You’re going to fail and make mistakes.
2. You will succeed.

This combines accepting the process and the hard work that is required to get where you want to be and having the focus and confidence in yourself to know that you will eventually get to that success.

You can apply that to every aspect in your life. I do.

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I think having a solid structure to learn is extremely important if you are making  progress quickly.

The whole notion of just do

it is kind of silly because otherwise you would be out there doing it already.

Over the past year I spent about two thirds of the time with a solid structure and during that time my learning was great.  For a little while I figured screw it, let’s just be natural and see what happens.  Let me tell you, not a lot of progress happened in those few months.   For a while I did the whole bar and club thing with a solid structure.  Then I moved to just do it, which didn’t work too well.

For the fall I took a new approach of creating a social circle. I followed a specific structure that I had created to design a social circle that would give me results.  The results were pretty amazing.  I shocked myself many times. Now as spring approaches I want to move back to the cold approach and really amp up my game in the day and  night time.

Using everything I’ve learned throughout the past year and combining it with the newest ideas in the seduction community I’m really going to come up with a new structure for myself and a game plan to really explode my game in 2009.

Goals:

Re-framing Pickup

To get good, I think it is important that we reframe a lot of our beliefs surrounding pickup.  There’s a lot of misinformation and beliefs that the community held true a year ago that are really not conducive to learning and being successful with women.  I think it’s important that we change these and make everything easier.  If we have beliefs that are wrong we might as well have beliefs that will help us even if they’re wrong.

Defining the phases of Pick-up:

It is important to define what you want to accomplish so you can actually practice it.  A lot of old models just don’t fit real-life.  I think I have one that works pretty damn well now.  I can’t write it, I have to draw a picture of it though.

Situational comfort:

The main goal of pickup was; you see the girl then you go seduce her and deal with problems as they occur. I think this mentality puts way too much pressure on us and it is not conducive to success.  If you want to get anyone attracted to you, first you have to get them comfortable with just talking to you.  I think we have the goal of just getting people comfortable with you then you can go much farther.

Don’t put a girl on a pedestal:

This is an old-school community rule but I don’t think anyone really follows it.  I wrote an article about it here.

How to correctly use qualification:

Qualification is one of the most under talked about and most important aspects of pickup.  You can build investment through qualification and let’s face it, the more investment you have the more compliance you have.

Scrapping Demonstrations of Higher Value:

First the community was all about patterns.  Then it was all about value game. I really don’t think the value game is that effective. Sure it’s useful in some situations and still has applications but I think that it shouldn’t be the sole  focus of our game.  Think about it this way; when you’re talking about value you are logically trying to persuade someone that you’re higher value.  Even if this is done in an under the radar way, you’re still trying to convince logically.  The problem lies in that women are not logical, they are emotional and thus it is not the most useful tool to get results.

Emotional attraction:

I want to focus much more on creating emotional attraction.  I will write more about this as I figure it out. I think it will have a lot to do with buying temperature and passion.

Sexual Frames:

Framing is an extremely powerful tool.  It’s important that we all look at our underlying frames and adjust them for the most success.  To really round out my game and give it an edge I want to focus on bringing sexual themes to really propel my level of game upward.

These are some of the topics that I want to focus on and integrate into my game over the next year.  I will write a lot more about them as I make progress.

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In Self help, I believe that many of us have success barriers whether we realize it or not. It is a difficult task to change any aspect of your life and I believe the brain subconsciously resists it. Each of us has been conditioned through social conditioning to delay happiness and put it in the future. The whole Hollywood mentality that one day everything will work out.

In reality, when is it going to work out? When I am dead?

Who’s going to change, me if not me?

One day I will get there.

It will be OK in the future.

I will get there when I get there.

I hear Edge say things like “I’ll get there when I get there.” Sure it’s a nice comforting thought but screw it. For me personally enough is enough. I have to do it. It’s a new year and a great time to get motivated. Stop living in comfort.

If I can actually harness the motivation and create momentum to take more action then maybe I will get there tomorrow instead of two years from now. It’s all about taking that first step. That first little bit of action towards change is the hardest. You have to get up every morning and repeat the first step and then learning how to constantly motivate yourself to continue to take action. It’s hard, but I’ve laid out the system for myself. Now all I have to do is follow it. It’s that simple.

The mind subconsciously deters us from changing because as we are sitting here right now, biologically everything is fine. As long as we have enough food to survive our bodies are happy. Changing your surroundings and conditions requires a lot of effort. If you change, there is also that unconscious uncertainty of what will happen because you’re changing conditions. This is scary to the subconscious mind. In reality, even when you’re changing for the better it is still a change and very difficult.

I am not really sure how to deal with success barriers except for now to acknowledge that they exist and hold myself to a strict schedule of taking action to reach my goals so I will actually change. I have to barrel through the mental blocks to get there.

You know that feeling when you feel tired and you don’t want to do something. You just want to go to bed instead of doing it. Like how my brain just wants me to chill out on Facebook instead of writing.

I’ve had enough. I’m saying no. This is a new year and the more you do, the more you want to do. I am setting a precedent for myself. I’m dedicating myself to change and blasting through my mental barriers no matter how difficult it is. I want it now, not next year. I invite you to do the same.

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As a pickup artist, achieving your goals can be very difficult. I think a lot of it has to do with having balls and going after what you want repeatedly. Most of this is mental. All of us have goals that we want to achieve this year and in life. I think now, in the new year, you have that extra boost of motivation to set goals that you want to accomplish for the new year. Lets use that motivation.

How many people dare to live the life they dream of? Face their real fears about who they are? Not their jobs or their houses or habits, but their deepest truest self.

I think to change ourselves, though it is a difficult task, it really comes down to setting goals and taking action to meet those goals repeatedly. Here it is the new year, it’s time to set your goals. I’ve been working on a solid foundational system for setting goals and achieving them over the last six months. I think I really got it down now – I just have to follow my own advice. I am going to record it and release it for free to all of our dedicated readers.

I believe the first step to reach your goals in the new year is to write them out. I talk about doing stuff all the time, but the key to actually achieving what we want is to hold ourselves to the actual advice that we give ourselves. This week I’m going to write out all of my overall goals in a notebook as well as the step-by -step goals. I invite you all to do the same.

Later this month I will be giving away a video seminar on how exactly I break bad habits and then create goals in a way that I can actually achieve them. I want success for each and every one of you in the new year. The only way to achieve it is to create goals for yourself and actively hold yourself to them.

Edge always says that each and every one of us will get there one day, provided we are taking action. I agree with him to some extent, but I believe that each of us could get there in 10 years or we could get there in a one-year. The real question is how badly do you want it?

Getting to your goals is very simple. It’s easy when you go about it the right way, the only stipulation is that it will take time. It will take lots of time and repeated action.

Right now, if you have goals for this year, now is the time to change. This week if you can, write them down. I’m going to write out my goals. I will show you how to get there, but the only person who can actually get you there is you. No one else can hold you responsible. In the end you are on your own.

This is your life. Each day is a day gone that you can never have back. We all should stop wasting time. Every last one of you.

My overall goals for 2009

To make this blog the most popular blog in the community with free information.

To become insanely good at pickup.

To create a lifestyle that games for me.

To create passive income so I do not have to work for someone else.

To work out at least six days a week.

To move to a warmer climate.

I invite each of you to write out your goals. Write them down in a journal or in a forum. Send me an e-mail with them. Do it in a way that you can look at them and hold yourself to them. I have written huge goals for myself. The only way I’m going to reach these is if I write them down and then create step-by-step goals that I can work on every single day. I’m going to need to create a weekly schedule and hold myself to it, religiously. Or I will not succeed.

Write your goals down and every week you should look at them. Create small step-by-step goals that will help you reach your overall goals, and modify them on a daily or weekly basis. Whatever it takes to get it done. The program are we releasing for free this month will show you exactly how to reach your goals. Do it now, do it today, there is no better time because we will never have today again.

We only live once. As Mystery would say, “You have 27,000 days to live. One third or half is already gone. Use each day wisely. Use that to motivate yourself and start taking action to build momentum so you can take more action. I invite you to do it now. Do it when you get home from work. E-mail me if you want and let me know how it’s going or if you need help. It’s your life no one can do it but you.”

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