Pick-up Evolution

Pick-up instruction and dating advice is not one size fits all - the instruction you subscribe to needs to be targeted toward someone with your personality and your characteristics.

I just finished reading a newsletter from one of the numerous dating/pick-up/seduction instructors out there (one that I like, actually). He was talking about how he worked on his style, confidence and humor and as a result, women loved him… but only as a friend.

Then with his easy-to-use method of sparking sexual connections, it completed the puzzle and now he has abundant sex.

Fair enough, I could believe that. But it sparked a thought - most people who get really good and develop their own products market the “antidote” to their dating woes. In other words, they sucked before, then they found what they needed to work on (the antidote), worked on it, then had success.

As a result, the dating product that MOST “pick-up gurus”, dating instructors, relationship authors write is the part that was missing for them. MOST of them do not include the stuff they were already doing right because they take it for granted.

Unfortunately, this issue tends to get confused in sales letters. The purpose of a sales letter is to sell as much product as possible. So the sales letter will talk to you as if this product is the cure-all for all men who want to improve their dating skills, no matter where they are.

Take, for example, a program like the Authentic Man Program. Now, I like AMP. I would gladly recommend AMP to others. But the guys that AMP will benefit the most are the guys who are disconnected from themselves (can’t feel anything), the guys who are over-practiced pick-up to the point where everything they say is a canned routine (social robots) and guys who creep girls out for one reason or another (incongruent guys).

AMP is good, but it is not the antidote for me to improve the areas of my game that I need to improve. There is plenty of value in their course and I do recommend checking them out, but there are still structure-based principles from other instructors (like Swinggcat) that I have gotten a tremendous amount of value from.

I think the best strategy is to master the material I get the most results from. OK, that sounds kind of obvious, but my strategy in the past has been to move from material to other material to other material - as a result, I don’t get really good at any one particular thing. When I say master the material I get the most results from I mean continually use it, experiment with it, refine it, etc. until it is perfect. THEN move on.

On a closing note, Legend and I have very different personalities (at times I would even say opposite). I think this is great because most of self-improvement happens by moving from the extreme to the middle ground. We get to watch each other and see how a person on the opposite extreme acts in a certain situation. It will take different things for Legend to improve vs. what it will take for me to improve and I think that’s great - the result will be that we create a very complete system for all-encompassing success with women.

How do you face your fears?

I wish I had the answer.

As a man we have to face our fears and above all in this game face uncertainty. We have to become comfortable with uncertainty and going with our instincts. I believe that this is a core, fundamental value to every man. Until you do this, I believe that you will still be a child in a man’s body.

This takes a strong will and a dedicated individual. I do not believe that this is easy. It is what separates us, the spectators and the people who take action, the leaders and the followers. There is an old saying that the people who know how always work for the people that know why. I believe that in this game everything rests on why because if you’re reading this you already know how. It just comes down to the question: “I am man enough?”

I think that really boils down to why.

This is purely an inner game topic. This is the point where you know why you deserve that “perfect 10″: Because she is your kind of girl, because you’re a high quality guy, etc.  You have the reasons in your mind. Not just in your mind, you really really know why you deserve her and you fully give yourself permission to deserve her. I think that comes down to following your path and if you are always pursuing your dreams 100%, then you’ll have it all.

This is my current thought because right now I’m going after my dreams, but in truth only partly. I probably spend 30% of my time going after it. I believe I need to make a fundamental change to push even harder because right now my brain believes that I’ll get there one day, but I want to be there sooner. I want to stop half-assing it. Keep in mind that it is a journey, not just an end goal. I am now mindset where if you are truly pursuing your dreams, then it will come. I believe though that I need to give it 100% of my effort when I am spending time doing it.

Take the steps. For me, I know what they are in my head. I just have to follow-through relentlessly as much as I can, every day, until it clicks that I am that kind of person. This is all about changing yourself and how you act. We all must face our demons and I believe this is the hardest thing we can ever do on this planet. But to face our fears will mold us into the men we want to be.

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I think that fear is something important and I want to talk about it.

With the girls that I want the most, the approach still scares me. I know that once I go I will bring all of my skills to the table, but lately the initial jump has been too hard on certain groups where I am really attracted to a girl.

I think it comes down to a fear of screwing it up. I have to look at it with an abundance mentality. It is also very important to look at everything as a process, not just the outcome because when you only see one super hot girl all weekend it is very difficult to think abundantly. But this in itself cripples the chances of actually that girl.

If you do not approach, you have no experience approaching the type of girl that you really want. We must all break the cycle and always go after what we want. Going after her will in itself breed more motivation to try harder next time. The more we force ourselves to take action and face our fears, the more we will go after what we want and make a move next time. Eventually, if we do this we will have a real lasting change and it will work.

Hey guys - it’s been a while since I’ve posted links. Starting now I am going to be posting links of the best posts I’ve seen in the blogosphere for the week, every Saturday.

Ross Jeffries Uncensored » Would You Still Date Me If I Put On 100 Pounds?

The other night, my smoking hot 20 year old Swedish girlfriend, Pernilla, turned to me and asked, “If I put on 100 pounds would you still date me?” Now, over the years I’ve learned that their are some questions that women ask you that they do not want you to honestly answer. And … [Link]

Charisma Tips » Dating and the Confident Woman

Independent empowered women are embracing their assertiveness not only in business but also over their own sexuality. Roles are reversing; recently a good friend of mine sent her boyfriend flowers, my roommate asked out a guy to go skeet shooting, and I often have women approaching me in the bars. Women are becoming more and more confident and assertive, while … [Link]

Approach Anxiety » Draw Her to You with a Magnetic Mindset

When you were a kid, if every morning your mother told you, “Look at you. You’re such a loser. You’re an unattractive slob. Nobody likes you.” How would that change your life? What if instead, your mother told you every day in a loving tone of voice, “Look at you. You are so smart and handsome. Everyone likes you.” You … [Link]

Franco Seduction » How to deal with takers

Guys, In the course of your sexual seduction you do not necessarily need to dump a woman too fast in the case she is a taker. You can first increase your demands and check how she responds to that. It can in certain cases save the relationship. It is important to know which is the right way of increasing your … [Link]

Seduction Labs » Hugging and kissing fights stress

Couples who spend more time getting intimate and finding ways to get close everyday may have lower levels of stress hormones in their bodies, a new study suggests. The findings, reported in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine, indicate that intimacy improves psychological health, but couples need to have a close relationship, or be happily marriage, to benefit. Researchers [...] [Link]

Captain Jack’s Grande Adventures » JUST Be Yourself

Bet you’ve never heard that one, have you? Haaa…. Women’s magazines and “mainstream, clorox-bleached” dating gurus often say it… Hell, I’ve even heard girls say it after debriefing them. Are they all wrong? Well, yes (mainly because they disagree with me)… AND NO! You see, from the Females’ viewpoint, when she HAS been picked up that’s exactly how it appeared … [Link]

Charisma Tips » Flirting Fascination

Here is a great article reposted from Psychology Today. —————~ Flirting Fascination The science of flirting. The capacity of men and women to flirt turns out to be a remarkable set of behaviors embedded deep in our psyches. By: Joann Ellison Rodgers Exactly how do we signal our amorous interest and intent in each other? It’s been trivialized, even demonized, … [Link]

Kinowear.com » How to Make Genetics Irrelevant in Attraction

(Gattaca is one of my favorite movies, where the main character Vincent - a “degenerate” - achieves the impossible in a world where genetics are everything) Have you ever felt insecure about the way you look? Or wished a part of your face looked different? Whether you believe yourself to be ugly, average, or handsome we’ve all felt insecure about … [Link]

Background:

When it comes to picking up/dating beautiful women, the majority of the focus is on how to meet a woman and hook up with her. There’s not a lot of focus on lifestyle as a whole, so I am hoping that I can contribute to an area that gets less attention but is still very important.

As some of you know, I made the decision to dive head first into learning how to succeed with women back in late April this year. I had been going out every Friday and Saturday with my wing, Legend, for about six weeks when everything clicked.

It was around that week that I began playing with push-pull energy. At that point that I started really getting results - for me, adding in that energy was key. For the most part, I have pretty extensively outlined my club pulls, same night lays, lay reports, pulling girls off Myspace/Facebook, etc. on the blog, so if you want to see how I met the girls, read the blog (namely the field report/lay report categories).

By the end of August, I had 6 girls that I could call on at anytime for whatever I wanted. I had set a goal earlier in the summer and I achieved it. A lot of guys have asked me, “How are you able to maintain all of these girls at once? Do they know about each other? etc. etc.”

I’m going to answer the common questions I’ve received so far… let me know if you have more and I’ll answer those too.

“How do you manage your mLTRs (multiple Long Term Relationships)?”

Well first, I don’t think of them as long term relationships. I don’t even label what’s going on between me and the woman, though I suppose the closest term to use would be multiple fuck-buddies (if you must label).

When I’m with the woman, 100% of my presence is there. When we are together, she gets all of me, my focus, my attention. Now before you all pounce on me or say “Oh my god, that’s supplication!!!”, shut the fuck up and listen for a second. What I am saying is that when I’m with her, I’m not in a foggy, distracted head space at all. I’m not doing something else mentally or physically. My focus is in the moment, enjoying the time and the energy we’re sharing. AND when we’re not together, we’re not together, so my attention is on the rest of my life. I think about her only when she’s with me.

The way I see it is that I am a man with tremendous value and I am giving her a great gift. This is not in an arrogant sense - what I am saying is that the value of her continuing to come to me is self-evident. So I am not doing things (like a dancing monkey) to continue to keep getting her to come back… I just know she’s going to come back because I am bringing all of myself to the moment when we’re together.

“When I tried having a harem, the girls eventually all started asking if I was seeing other women or saying that they felt like a booty call. What do you do about this?”

I had one girl do this. And only in one specific situation. I was at one of my favorite bars when she showed up there. Now, I was running around talking to all sorts of women that night. When she showed up out of the blue, I was caught off guard and felt like I was “caught red handed.” Now, the truth is that I really wasn’t doing anything wrong - I never promised anyone exclusivity.

Nevertheless, I still had the feeling of being caught with my hand in the cookie jar and that’s when the questions of that nature started up with her.

If she had just brought this up as a topic of conversation, I wouldn’t have missed a beat. But the fact that showed up unexpectedly and broke my natural flow was what knocked me off balance.

So what I take away from this experience as the most important lesson is that you will be tested here to the extent that you are uncomfortable about seeing other women. In other words, if you are totally and completely comfortable with seeing multiple women at once (as I am 99% of the time), then this isn’t a problem.

“What did you say when she asked you (if you were there to pick up women)?”

I tuned into her totally (just got a sense of where I was at and where she was at), smiled, leaned in, looking her right in the eyes and said, “Why? Are you afraid you won’t still be my favorite?” And I stuck with the tension of the moment… it was a fun, melting kind of energy I was sending towards her.. She laughed and hit me hard in the chest, “You’re SUCH an asshole…” Then I grabbed her and pulled her in (still smiling), “Yeah, you love it.” Then she kissed me.

Not bad, but better to always maintain the right energy in the first place. If you’re head is worrying about what she’ll think about you seeing other women, it definitely will become a problem.

In fact, it will become a problem not because you’re seeing other women, but because you’re distracted! Women can’t stand a distracted man and you will be punished accordingly.

Have any questions about mLTRs or harems?  Let me know and I’ll post more on the subject.

There’s a truth about our minds: As long as we are alive, our brains are on.

Even while we’re asleep, our minds are still on and (to a degree) receptive. Even in comas our brains have a degree of awareness and receptivity.

And when we’re conscious, we have a constant stream of thought.

I believe that thoughts have power. No matter how minimal or dispersed, I believe that every single thought that we have has power. I also believe that our minds will align our actions, behaviors and habits to bring us into contact with what we think about the most. Not what we want the most, but what we think about the most.

I have taken on a new habit because of this. My new habit is to continually repeat an empowering belief, over and over again in my mind, to reinforce it. I contemplate beliefs and ideas that I want to make into my reality. I call this performance forming mindset.

This is a lot different than where my mind tends to default. When I am not intentionally conditioning my mind, my mind will tend to “check in” on different problems I am experiencing and on instances where I didn’t get what I wanted. Now, the reason I have this habit in the first place is to solve problems and improve areas that need improvement. That’s a good thing. But when the problem can’t be immediately solved or when my mind is continually visiting things that are not what I want, it wears me down. This is what I call problem solving mindset.

Both mindsets are good and useful, but I think it would be much more constructive for my default mindset be performance forming, instead of problem solving. Problem solving is a good mindset to intentionally visit, examine and then close. Performance forming mindset is a good mindset to live in because it is inspiring, uplifting and it reinforces the reality that I want to live in.

One of our readers (who’s an all around good guy) recently asked me, “Have you made any posts about identity?”

Not yet, actually. Legend and I have both touched on different ideas for how we manage our “avatar” (the image that people see and draw impressions from in a social environment), but I don’t think either of us have touched on the core issue of identity.

I think identity is a core and sacred topic. I want to be very frank in saying that this is an area I struggled with for years - I was very unclear and confused about who I was. These days, I have a very clear idea of my identity (though I continue to explore myself, as that is life). I want to share what my epiphanies were in terms of my own self and identity discovery.

In my early twenties, I was studying seduction and pick-up techniques… I tried nothing! I apply myself frequently and consistently now, but back then I was utterly confused and stuck. I did not want to do anything because I did not feel I was someone who could. “WHO is the man who is able to do this? WHO am I in the world? How does someone become more of the ‘WHO’ who can be successful with this stuff?”

It feels funny for me to type that now because it is so different from my present reality. But it is true… I was completely lost in terms of who I was, who is the guy who is good with women and what does it really mean to be a man?

Being a man… being a man… Until I was 24, I honestly felt like a grown up boy. Sure, I was a man in the anatomical sense. But I did not feel that my identity was a man’s… What even was it?

OK - enough background. How did I start on my path of discovering my identity as a man?

First, I got outside of my comfort zone. Unfortunately, I feel like “going outside of your comfort zone” is becoming a cliche phrase in the self-help industry… so I really want to drive this home.

Here’s my illustration of how being uncomfortable plays into identity:

Have you ever heard of someone talking about their defining moments? These are not pleasant, comfortable moments in a person’s life. These are ALWAYS moments where the person was under tremendous pressure and they took action. A defining moment can be both a success or a failure. But it is always a moment where the person is pushed all the way out, past their edge. You don’t get to know your identity within your comfort zone - you discovery your identity when you are pushed outside your comfort zone, forced to perform.

It has been my experience that the more I push outside of my comfort zone and what I’ve known, the more I discover my identity. In fact, the more I discover my identity, the stronger my identity becomes.

What we focus on will define all of our interactions. As I have become better and better with every week of practice, I find it is harder to detach myself from an outcome. The irony in all of this is that going out and doing this in itself is a paradox. You have to each have faith in yourself, but at the same time not put demands on yourself. But even still you have to take action. If you don’t expect anything from yourself, then you open the door to trying new things. This is a current sticking point I am working through.

For me it’s easier to open sets and test out new things if I don’t hold in my head that I am good at anything, even if sometimes I’m very good. This is a mental trick that I do to not experience approach anxiety, but not necessarily the end solution. I really need to get back and think about the long process and end game, not just worry about the here and now.

I believe the most important part about focusing on the process is that it will allow you to detach from individual actions where normally you may be intimidated by the girl because you really want her and you really want to work this time but in reality that is going to screw you up.

I believe that to really get good at this game we have to focus on the process and at the same time step back from our ego. The only way I currently know how to do that is to pretend that I really don’t know anything and just wing it. That’s what I practiced for many months and that’s where I saw the most success and quick improvement. It’s really all in our own heads. Everything that screws us up is inside our own heads. We can change it. I don’t think it is easy, but I rest with the hope that it is possible. Holding that paradox and focus on the end goal. The hot girl I see in front of me is just practice and one day I will build up my skills to get her. That is what it is all about working on the skill. That’s why I do it. Its all a journey and I have seen tons of change so I know that it is slowly working.

When learning this stuff it’s very important not to concentrate on how to do it, but just to it. The new philosophy of just being natural is something very difficult to wrap your head around. I think it has more to do with the act of embracing the unknown. You take techniques and instead of over-thinking it to get a desired outcome, you really have to just try it out and try it out again until you figure out how to make it work.

This is a process that is truly a paradox. There are always two opposing sides to everything and you can’t have one without the other. I think that routine style with techniques is just one-side of the spectrum where natural game is the other side of the spectrum. I think we truly want to be right in the middle. Having a balance. From my experience of doing this for almost 6 months straight, you can confine yourself to a method and everything doesn’t work. In your head you want to do something a certain way and you repeatedly do in a certain way, but this blinds yourself to the correct way.

All in all when learning this comes down to just doing it. Jumping into the unknown and forcing your own path. Have your method in your mind, but apply a method don’t stick to it without any room for innovation or pushing further.

I’ll compare thinking about game to the way the academic world thinks about subjects. You have physics and math, those are the theories and building blocks behind engineering, but in real life all the physics and math are sometimes irrelevant when you want to get the job done. You can take short cuts and sometimes things don’t work the way they work in a text book. It’s why many esteemed mathematicians can solve an engineering problem, but it will take them a lot longer than an engineering student. One thing that my professor in college told me as an engineer is to guess. The first year you guess and you are wrong almost all the time, but the second year you guess and get it wrong just most of the time. By the third year you guess and get it right sometimes and finally by senior year you make your guesses and you get it right most of the time.

I think we need to let go of the constraints in our head and just say fuck it. Guess and figure out what works creating your own game. Eventually with work we will get there as long as we do what makes us feel pressure. This is the hardest thing we have to do, I still haven’t done it fully, but one day…